Getting used to pain

I have dealt with lot in my life time, from mental health problems to alcoholism but I have overcome them all through faith and grace. I have had to let go of my resentments. Which hasn't been easy as they felt justified. And that’s the worst type of anger.

I’ve come a long way in the almost 4 years of living with CPS. The early days, without a diagnosis and with no medication was a real struggle. I was full of fear and anger at invisible nerve pain I couldn't explain or understand. It put me out of full time work and created havoc in every area of my life.

I have been on a road of acceptance since the day of diagnosis, which didn't fix the problem but gave me something concrete to learn to understand.

I think the worst of it all has been the strain on my marriage. It’s caused resentment and misunderstanding. I changed over night from a man taking care of my family to a guy who could barley function. My wife has also had to accept what was happening to me. I wasn't the man she married anymore and it was tough on her too.

I never thought in the beginning that I would get used to the pain. But in a way I have over time. The odd flare up can tip me off balance but for the most I am doing okay. My mental health also suffered but has improved with meditation. Life has settled down and I am no longer tied to negative emotions around my situation.

Life keeps rolling on and il continue to work on improving my life so I can be the best man my family can have.