Getting on top of the monster

Living with a chronic pain condition is draining, it mentally and physically takes it’s toll, yet with CPS we have learned to function with pain levels most people will never experience.

When i was newly diagnosed it became clear that I was going to have to mentally manage my condition and that it was down to me to do it. As much information I read about my condition the one sure thing was that it was going no where. I had to somehow get on top of it.

2020 was a particularly difficult year as far as my pain went. It was for the most in control of me. I hit depresion and got swamped in self pity from becoming overwhelmed by the pain. I was also exhausted, suffering from undiagnosed sleep apnea. Every day felt like an uphill push.

By the end of the year I had made changes to better manage my condition. For one I decided to not talk about it constantly to people who did not understand. My wife knew I was suffering and didn’t need reminding all of the time. And it wasn’t doing me much good talking about it every day. It just kept me stuck in negativity. I found other places to share what I was going through like online groups. And it was important for me to talk, to me it was cathartic..

Image Credit: ©Kelsey Rein

I changed my diet, began taking vitamins and along with meditation began to step back from the negativity I was swamped in. I slowly managed to get on top of it for what felt like the first time. I also managed to get my medication levels where the positives in turning the pain down outweighed the negative side effects. I also introduced light exercise.

The result is a better attitude towards my pain and to life. I try not to get too complacent when I’m I’m experiencing lower pain levels. I was in the habit of pushing myself too hard when I felt better, always to have a worse flare up. Treatment for the sleep apnea is also helping me to turn down the pain levels.

So I’m doing quite well at the moment. I still have daily pain in my back and hips, especially by the end of the day. I still suffer electrical pain in my head and face but it’s turned down to manageable levels. I am slowly learning now to live with it without the crippling resentment and fear.

It is what it is and I will continue to find new ways to cope more positively with it. The monster had me for a while but I refuse to be beaten by it.

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