Back on track

I have lately had a bad run of pain which in turn has affected my mental health. I have turned inwards on myself and have suffered from getting lost in the negativity of my thoughts. I found myself in a loop of resentment and frustration.

It’s a difficult situation for me to get into. As a husband and father I have to be present in the lives of my family, but when I'm flaring all I can think about is riding out the storm. Depression sneaks in when my pain is ramped up. Everything becomes a struggle. It makes it even more Important to take care of myself when I'm feeling disconnected.

Besides of my pain i’m a busy man. I work part time, I sing in a band, I write for this charity and also for my blog. I find that keeping active distracts me from the pain. Writing is therapeutic and is a way for me to express how I'm feeling.

Home-life is another aspect of my life that keeps me occupied. Of course there are times I cannot function, but on the lower pain day's I do what I can. Everything is subject to my pain levels and I know my limitations.

Over the last week the feelings of dread have lifted. I have found myself more connected to the world around me. Rising out of the ashes of a flare up it is easier to deal with life without the mental struggle.

I recently had a productive meeting with the psychiatrist. As someone with unstable emotion disorder it’s good to have a regular catch-up and stay in control of my mental health. Meditation is my number one line of defence against negative thinking and emotions. Nothing has helped me overcome my problems more than a meditation practice. I highly recommend mindfulness. There are many types available, I personally use non contemplative meditation.

Acceptance, in itself can seem like a an illusive concept. With two steps forward and three steps back it is difficult to find peace with myself. But strangely in a way I have. I have had to accept a permanent condition and I have had to accept my limitations but that’s not to say life is testing, it just means I don't ’t stay down for long. Forgiveness and kindness towards myself has helped with healing. Life must go on and I must be a part of it.