The beast

Up until now I have, for the most, been able to keep my lower back pain to manageable levels. The naproxen and baclofen have helped to calm my back spasms.

On Saturday I had to get some stuff out of the attic, a menial job that took only minutes. It required some twisting and turning, movements that were enough to trigger a flare up of burning pain in my spine and lumber region, spreading to my legs. It has been a debilitating few days. I am unable to work and have spent most of my time led on my back.

I had forgotten how bad the pain can get. I have been waking up in the night with spams and have been unable to get back to sleep. I have contacted my doctor to prescribe me pain relief just to get through this flare up.

I hate feeling so useless and unable to function to deal with daily life. I have held back from going to the emergency room at my local hospital. As much as I am suffering I know they will be unable to help me. My wife has helped as much as she can and i’m grateful for her support.

When I'm run down with pain I always experience guilt. I have written about it before on this blog. I also get feelings of dread. My thinking becomes negative very quickly during a flare up and I am aware of it now being somewhat of a professional at dealing with them. It is important that I take care of my mental health during these periods of intense pain.

I take lot's of hot baths. Listen to music and I have a wave noise setting on my hearing aids which drown out the tinnitus riging which seems to get louder during a flare up. Other than rest on my back there isn't much else I can do.

I seem to be taking two steps forward and three steps back. I have had high pain levels since my hospital admission in August. But I need to remember that it will improve and that flare ups don't last. I will be back into life soon enough and managing better. I am lucky to have an understanding boss and my family are also understanding. So, for now it’s just a case of trudging through the pain, resting and with meditation staying mentally strong.

Life must go on.